The Modern Man and His Quest For Traditional Gender Roles

A satirical take on people and blog sites that try to enforce traditional gender roles.


Sasha Shinde, Writer

Illustration by Kranti Gagdekar Chhara

The Modern Man can identify who he yearns for and how to get hold of her. He knows that he has to seek the alluring girl he wants, and treat her like she is just an attractive figure, completely disregarding her intelligence. Decrying her questions, regarding her thoughts as banal, and behaving like he could care little about what she says is all consummate behaviour. It will keep her speculating and ultimately draw her to him. Feeding her jealousy and insecurity will attract her to the man, and will definitely increase his chances of bagging her, as opposed to a ‘nice guy’, who does not indulge in such conduct; in fact, what women really desire is men who think of them as pieces of meat to boost their status among peers.

If you have good intentions, she will try to ‘be a good girl’ for you. I mean, Will Smith demonstrated it in Hitch (2005), so it must be sacrosanct. When a woman says she wants to focus on her career, she obviously means that the modern man should try harder (or go away, but that is never the case for a persistent man). When a woman repeatedly refuses your advances, no means yes, unless of course she literally pushes you away. Until then, when she says no, what she actually means is yes, because women are just naturally shy and do not like to admit that they want it.

But all this is before the man gets into a relationship, of course. After you get the girl, how do you keep her and more importantly, how do you keep her self-doubting so she does not abandon you and carry on miserable without you in her life? The man ensures that it is an unequal relationship. How, you ask? Well, you must achieve total emotional constipation. Shut her out completely lest she suspect that you need her (the absolute horror). If she thinks you don’t need her, she’ll want to be in your life. It doesn’t have to make sense to you, it works.

‘Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.’

-Roseanne Burr

She has to learn to keep herself under control, and not dominate the man and hurt his poor fragile male ego.

Women get crazy- well, crazier- when they are on their period. As the man, you must teach her to respect you even if it is her hormones that are affecting her. You can acknowledge that she is on her period, but make sure never to give her any exemptions for the same. When she gets upset or angry, be sure to laugh, chortle, and cackle at her ‘girly outburst’. I mean, she is just bleeding the lining of her uterus out of her vagina out for a few days, it’s no worse than a scratch. She has to learn to keep herself under control, and not dominate the man and hurt his poor fragile male ego.

If the modern man intends to get married, or concede to his girl’s wishes of getting married, he makes sure that she knows her place. She has to get pretty, that is, apply her basic makeup after getting up, and cook breakfast while looking pretty, graciously accepting all compliments regarding the food or her appearance. The Modern Man still demands a traditional wife, and becomes traditional at the time of marriage.

‘How do you know if it’s time to wash the dishes and clean your house? Look inside your pants. If you find a penis there, it’s not time.’

-Jo Brand

“A traditional man is a man acting like a man is supposed to act; acting like men did traditionally, in the past, before feminism. The modern “equal” feminist man is an anomaly; it is something unnatural foisted upon men by modern feminist culture and law.”

Sure, if men or women were not socialized to uphold gender roles, they would have behaved differently, but that is not a point of consideration; why would it be?

What an overwhelming statement. And it could not be truer. Feminism has completely ruined it for traditional men. No longer does a man hold dominance over women as nature deemed. Sure, if men or women were not socialized to uphold gender roles, they would have behaved differently, but that is not a point of consideration; why would it be?

Women are naturally inclined to be caregivers, and men to be their guardians. This pre-set role system was uprooted by giving American women the right to vote in 1920. Then came the feminists with their big ideas about equality; when men and women are inherently different, how would they possibly be equal?

I’ll end this by saying the Modern Traditional man cannot stand for this hogwash. Patriarchy is under threat, and we need to respond. Who do these women think they are anyway, trying to take over men’s jobs, and then demanding equal pay? Becoming competent leaders, and guiding the fight against a pandemic so well? Why can’t they just stay in the house and in the kitchen where they belong? Why can’t they just accept the status quo?


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A writer, student, and classical dancer, Sasha is usually working on an excuse to avoid working. Nowadays, you can find her complaining about sleep deprivation after spending all night binge-watching web series. Her Instagram handle is @sasha_shinde.